Gloomy Morning

The weather today is so gloomy....my mood is gloomy....feel like sleeping and not waking up at all....I think I need a change of atmosphere...a change of lifestyle....a change in everything actually.....Last night I sort of hinted that I do not wanna get married to him...that maybe he should find someone who suits him better. I even asked him why he wants to marry me....is it because of love or is it because we have been together for so long that he feels he should....He said I was asking a stupid question. I know for a fact that I'm no longer attracted to him and I think he feels the same way. But I am also afraid of breaking up with him....I know its selfish of me but I'm afraid of being alone....

Negativity

Negativity draws us in easily...My boss is so negative that at times I feel like screaming...My boss is also my mom so its difficult to tell her off... I try to find excuses for her like for example, she grew up in a boarding school and has felt rejection since childhood thus she is who she is....but I still get so mad at her leh.... I'm sure if I were to tell her that I wanna get married this year with Francis who has been my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years, she'll go mad...she might have a mental breakdown... Actually, I'm not even sure if I wanna get married but pretty soon, my biological clock will stop and I so want a baby....Have thought of getting pregnant and not get married but then it will be unfair for the child... But then again, maybe I am not fertile....hahaha

Terrible Nite

It was so difficult to sleep last nite...n today, i did not go to work....so tired...n lazy....n feel like there has to be more to life than work....

Now Is Not Important

Now is not as important as yesterday....as what happened yesterday will always effect us....we can plan for tomorrow but it does not mean everything we plan will come thru..... At times, i wonder why i even bother to plan for the next day....I don't follow what I plan so why do I even bother.....